Abram's Kin

27 February 2006

Rebellion

I went, very reluctantly, to a Catch the Vision meeting last week. I admit, not terribly excited about the vision, which to me sounds like a building campaign even if they claim it is not. We could buy several houses on Walnut for that. Sigh. I wasn't excited to be there. But I went because someone, somewhere along the way labeled me a "leader" and they really wanted all the leaders to attend one of these puppies.

I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to put on a nametag. I didn't want to sing. I didn't want to hear about the building plans. And it showed. Heck, I sort of cursed in front of Wayne and didn't really give a hoot. I went because I felt I had to. Marisol said it was my rebellious nature when I refused to put on a nametag. (I. Hate. Nametags. Always have.) Granted, she did say that it took one to know one. But...

I was thinking about my rebellious nature today. This whole fasting thing too, getting on my nerves, and I'm not fasting yet. Don't know if I will even. I wonder if it's because I'm surrounded by people working on the giving campaign that I feel smothered by it. People working on the publications and the devotional and the videos. Everyone asking "What are you going to fast from? Have you been to a Vision meeting? How did you decide how much to give?"

Enough already.

I'm thinking that maybe I'll fast from church during the next 40 days.

posted by Hannita at 4:09 PM

6 Comments:

  • Hannah,

    So much came to my mind when I read your blog on "rebellion." The first thing was simply humor. I find your passive agressive disgruntlement to be rather halarious. And I find the "spirit of rebellion" almost equally worth "hardy chuckling."

    Something else comes to mind: respect. I respect the side of you that is confrontational and "stone-like." Don't get me wrong, my point is not to encourage "the spirit of rebellion," nor is it to simply flatter. The truth is, I was raised in a strict world where authority was THUROUGH. By that I mean it was pedantic and legalistic and ruled the very smallest actions (such as wearing a nametag) as well as the very largest (such as what my mind was to be thinking on a daily basis or what career I was to choose).

    To this day there is a secret struggle that still wriggles inside of me from time to time; it itches to obey the law for the sake of perfection (i.e. pride and self-righteousness).

    The comment that "the spirit of rebellion" was 'working you over' because you didn't want to put a name tag on seems to be borderline "pedanticitus absurdioso"--just making up words here--

    Anyway, I find that I have a great flaw in my inability to confront these sorts of forces with kindness and humility... Yet this must be the answer...

    any other thoughts?

    Josh

    By Blogger Josh, at 4:50 PM  

  • I went to the catch the vision meeting, too, second one they had, Eager Beaver to listen to the Vision and have the Holy Spirit change me into a more pleasing conformist. This didn't happen. I became more disappointed with the narrow 'Oak Park needs a bigger building so Oak Park children will have Oak Park space to move and groove in the love of God Vision.' Only one statement made any sense to me: it had something to do with inheritance. Something along the lines of 'future generations will benefit as we now benefit...' So I left with a little hope: perhaps I won't be stuck as a disagreeable idealist, maybe He will make me Mature like everyone else.

    Well it isn't happening. I don't think spending money on building bigger churches is what is best on earth, AD. I don't like the trials we are inviting into our church in regards to debt and allocating of money. YUCK. I deeply disagree
    but (hooray!) I am beginning to accept that GOD is leading some people into this Great Undertaking. Maybe He will still bring me in with all the other good sheep; I like agreement with the Body. It is good. but He must lead my mind and I trust Him. He will lead me to truth and undeceive me as He sees fit. I do not differ with you, Hannah, and I trust that that is as it should be.
    Sooo how much are you going to give?

    By Blogger tara hermann, at 9:58 PM  

  • It's up to the HS to point out to each of us when we are actually rebellious. But what I have read so far does not sound, to me, like rebellion per se. If I may use the paradigm shift of modernism to postmodernism (PoMo) as a way of describing one way of looking at it: modernism liked to reduce and categorize everything. We find ourselves in a tense time of transition to PoMo in which we resist our very selves being categorized. Groupthink, going with the flow, unquestioning allegiance, absolute commitment all sound ridiculously dangerous to some of us who identify such relinquishing of thought with cultural abominations like slavery, the holocaust, the religious right, etc. For Hannah, perhaps, putting on a name tag may be a subconscious or conscious symbol of something worthy of disdain. Just a thought. I'm on call . . . very tired . . . had to say something (and believe me, it's a lot less than I'd like to say!). Love you guys. Love your thoughts. Love your heart to follow our Lord regardless!

    And I really like Tara's comment about "on earth AD". How profoundly centering on the fact of Jesus' lordship over all, from the resurrection forward.

    By Blogger Unknown, at 11:45 PM  

  • Realized that last line didn't explain my logic: A.D.=Anno Domini--Year of our lord

    By Blogger Unknown, at 9:53 AM  

  • Perhaps some clarification. (Yay for comments though!)Yes, I try to be funny when I blog. Thanks for stroking that ego Josh. But, and here's the crux of it, I tend to want to either not do something someone tells me to do or do the opposite. Is it just because I am not in agreement with whatever they are telling me to do? Or, is it a "screw you" sort of knee jerk reaction. And, because I know me fairly well, I would say more often than not, it's the latter. So is that being a non-conformist? Or is it being rebellious? I don't want to conform. I don't want to be cooperative. I don't want to be labeled anymore than I already am by what I look like, where I and work and what I do, where I went to school, etc.

    By Blogger Hannita, at 12:49 PM  

  • That was really geniune, Hannah. I appreciate the honesty. I want to be honest too. I guess that was what I was getting at when I said that I am not often 'humble' when I am confrontational. In fact, confrontation has a primordial (i.e. basic to its existance) tie to PRIDE--FOR ME. And so, I forever vassilate between awkward and emotioanlly strenuous confrontation that does not seem led by the HS, and coformistIZM--which leaves me spiritually dry and frighteningly obsessed with a very pedantic control CONTROL. Right, Noel... not good.

    I think the synthesis between what Noel said (which I thought was profoundly and passionately put) and what Hannah has said, is discovered, unveiled, and relieved via love, kindness, charity, humility, and a profound SENSE-OF-SELF that is seated securely in the hands of a Father who is undoubtedly GOOD and KIND and the very definition of LOVE.

    We must be sure that reconciliation between ourselves and God is via Grace--the kind that asks no questions and 'requires nothing.'

    I would like to get into my ideas on Grace, but must get going. Let me know if this has any relevance to any of you or if I am off in left field.

    Josh

    By Blogger Josh, at 1:21 PM  

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